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If I don't keep working
I'll forget what I'm doing.
Like using old words I haven't used in years
and forgetting how to spell them
and I was once such a good speller, too.
I've been following current events.
Things on earth look so bleak... heartbreaking... hopeless.
Like the time I went through
when I wasn't even twenty years old...
finding myself in a dark, dark place
with no light... no voice... no future... no hope.
So... now... mankind.
My dreams had been totally destroyed.
There was... no... repair... for... me.
There would be no... "true love"... for me.
Dreams had become a pile of shambles.
Nothing beautiful... would be happening.
Such dreams had sustained me all my life.
But... then a light came...
my real dream... to write... to make beautiful words...
to find truth... to know life... to see the horrors and the beauties.
I had wanted to see it all...
and now... I found that I had...
I had seen the worst of human experience.
I knew many had known worse even than I.
I had wept for all humanity...
for what I saw coming.
The modern world was on the verge of stealing our human souls.
I wept deeply for all humankind...
For everyone... high and low... for our great loss.
The song I wrote with my husband, many years later...
"Red Cross, Green Canvas Bag"
the lyrics that I had contributed to it, were:
"For there's a wound that needs tending to
And I don't think a bandage will do
There's soothing salve for everything else
Red Cross can you help?"
and then...
"We've lost our way, we've lost our own minds
We've lost our instincts, we've left them behind.
We hide in our Lord, we hide in our sins
Red Cross, can you help?"
And then, after another age of many years...
when I now had enough time to get organized...
I began reading every word of the King James' Bible.
I needed to find answers... and so did all mankind.
I had always been curious about... mistranslations in scriptures.
I just felt... something was missing.
I had rewritten the Lord's Prayer when I was 19 years old...
and it was so much more beautiful.
And so, I thought...
translating may help the understanding of it all.
Translations were often difficult
and so I gathered around me every reputable translation...
having five Bibles and several Concordances...
a few old, old Hebrew texts I had found by luck...
complete with histories, definitions, and translations.
I saw the variations, and the attempts at translations,
and what had been lost in translation...
until what had before been a mass of chaos...
slowly began to take shape... pieces falling into place...
keeping in mind the truth I had clung to...
the truth that I knew... that could be the only truth...
that God... loves us... gave us our lives wholely... totally...
because no other God would be worthy of worship...
than a God who wants only the best for humanity...
who is not a vengeful ogre who hates us... remains distant from us...
but a God whose Truth is so hot that we shrink away...
Truth so hot that His words become Truth...
and it is in mercy He keeps distant.
I stopped accusing God of causing all our troubles...
not that I really ever had accused Him of anything.
There is a power in Truth that can touch the heart...
and I yearned to know those words.
What are the words that can turn evil into good?
What great words will slay the evil that lives among us?
What would make evil come to its senses?
And I looked to see... where it was... that evil comes from.
Is it ignorance? anger? ambition? vengence? power? insanity?
Insanity? when... isn't it true... that all evil... is... insane?
See the reference:
"Blood Sacrifice"
in the Addendum of "The Joseph Theory" at StarlightGazette.com
In the story of Noah... it is said...
to paraphrase... as best as I could grasp the meaning of it...
there was to be no killing for the sake of killing.
"Sacrifices" had become common somehow
although there is NEVER mention that God requests such things.
But, Cain had killed Abel... over the killing of a lamb...
and one can gather from the reading of this
that Cain had been aghast about God not stopping this thing.
Doctrine has always held it was jealousy in Cain...
but the story still holds true if one sees that it was justice...
that Cain had taken up his hand to deliver justice...
that Cain saw something abhorent to him...
the bloody slaughter of a lovely lamb...
and... the eating of it.
One can see that Cain believed this was horrible.
I believe it is in answer to Cain's inquiry of God...
Cain, who now bitterly sees God as an ogre...
Cain... who now fears for his own life...
asking, as if in defiance of this bloodshed...
"Am I my brother's keeper?"
God is... through Noah...
to make a surety of it... answering Cain... "yes, you are."
And it also appears that God wants to end the sacrifices.
He instructed Noah to free the animals out of the ark
and let them breed and multiply freely.
Noah... clinging to those sacrifices... that had now become ritual...
begins killing them off... to honor and thank God.
And so... we see the text... about killing.
Only when an animal is insane... and kills for the sake of killing...
is it permissible to execute it... to kill it.
It was permissible to eat meat...
if it is done in a clean manner...
but not to just kill for the sake of killing.
Which answers Cain's question...
after he saw what was abhorent to him...
the killing and eating of a lamb... one of Abel's flock...
Abel... the keeper of sheep... killing his lambs.
Cain's judgment from God was...
the land will not bring forth food.
Cain would have to eat meat to survive.
Which was more than he could bear.
Cain's reaction explains the entire story.
The pieces all fit... seeing these things in that light.
God was laying down a path for man to follow...
a way for mankind to survive.
When I realized how detailed the story of Jacob and Joseph was...
it just plainly occurred to me...
only Joseph and Jacob could have written Genesis.
And as I explored this theory... it made more and more sense.
Even now... I'm thinking that there is a possibility...
that Joseph wrote even more... than just Genesis.
Pieces of other things... show up... in the writings of prophets...
pieces that fit just too too perfectly... with the Joseph Theory...
that I just wonder... what was passed down... and kept sacredly.
What other secrets have I missed?
Noah was taught... non-violence.
Abraham lived by this... otherwise he would have conquered Canaan...
Isaac... lived by this... and moved from well to well...
when the Philistines closed up Abraham's wells.
Isaac finally could say, "For now we shall live in peace."
Joseph... had every reason... and every ability... to judge his brothers.
Joseph wept over this... his father having lived so long in fear.
Joseph... mastered this. He would return the tribe to Canaan.
They would inherit Canaan according to the promise.
Word... was truth... in that tribe... especially a king's words.
And this was a line of kings.
Not only would the tribe return to Canaan,
Joseph would give them a religion... standards... rituals...
to keep the law and the legacy of Abraham...
of all the line of Adam that had lived in honor on earth.
And the words remained...
but the law... and the legacy... were forgotten.
Or so it seems... since the tribes began their violence
as soon as they reached Canaan.
In fact, Abraham had purchased their inheritance.
All they needed to do was make claim to it.
So... much scripture still does not make sense to me.
The clues Joseph leaves are... something out of place...
and there are various stories that stand alone in the texts
that have no explanation... no physical reality possible...
such as God and two angels traveling to Sodom & Gomorrah...
such as Sodom & Gomorrah burning fire from the sky....
such as the walls of Jericho falling all by themselves...
stories that seem to be more fantastic than true.
What else is hidden that we have not seen?
Through all this time... in all these stories...
has Joseph... been prophesying? of the end of days?
Could Joseph see the end of days...
or what has been called the end of days...
and wrote his stories to try to get our attention...
because of the great importance of this...?
because we need to have help in these perilous times?
a time on earth that all humanity would hang in balance...
when mankind had learned all there was to know...
when mankind had accomplished all he ever could
and invent and build all that was possible to build...
(the unbridled will of men that caused the great flood
in the time of Noah...
when men had done all that their minds could imagine)...
when mankind would be a danger even to himself...
as we see happening today...
men feeling that they have the power of a god...
re-inventing life itself... creating their own version of nature...
trespassing on the very soul and mind of mankind...
to control... to manipulate... to destroy all innocence...
and turn it into their own version of nature and life...
so that beauty becomes ugly... like a whore...
like a whore that knows all the arts...
and knows really... nothing at all about the joys in life.
Has all scripture been... a prophecy? and a guide?
Abraham had a real quandry.
He was to inherit Canaan... but... how to do this?
We can only reason that... his hand was held back.
He had 600 men trained in fighting to save Lot...
but he had never used that army to conquer Canaan.
Did not God Himself give Canaan to him?
Why, then, did he not feel justified in taking it by force?
And, only when Lot is enslaved... when all the cities were enslaved...
did we see... that Abraham had trained his tribe to fight.
Abraham used his army... only when it was forced on him...
only when to NOT rescue those people would dishonor him...
to NOT save Lot... to allow such a travesty to go unanswered...
would have put Abraham to such shame...
he could never have called himself king of anything or anybody.
He could have claimed Canaan for himself, instead.
With honor... Abraham... saved the cities... and his family.
With honor... Abraham refused any reward...
"not so much as a bootlash" would he accept as booty.
Only wages for his men... would be acceptable.
Their violence was not for booty... or conquest...
Their violence was unavoidable...
Their motive was... rescue many lives...
destroy the destroyers.
Abraham later goes to those he had rescued
and asks to buy a very large piece of land...
the mountain and the valley beyond it.
The entire city had come to watch this land purchase.
Their reply is... that they would GIVE it to him...
out of gratitude for having their lives and belongings saved.
It is Abraham that insists on it being a purchase.
And now... Abraham owned Canaan... with honor...
without violence or enmity towards another.
Like a great winepress... that seeks all other answers...
that looks for all other ways of resolution...
to abhor violence at any cost...
unless that cost is the souls of all humanity.
Is this... what Joseph is telling us?
Is this our guide as honorable men on the earth?
I've looked for the words.
My work is finished.
I can't save them.
The room... is too dark.
The evil is too blind.
The ambition is too long spent.
What do you do... when someone doesn't believe...
when someone doesn't believe...
that there is a human soul?
Those... who have lost their own souls...
are the ones who discard the souls of all.
They... are no longer... human.
So... I'm asking that old question once again...
what are the words that will turn evil... to good?
And... I wonder... why.
Why has mankind come to this horrid end.
Is there... some rainbow to be found?
A promise... that gives all lost souls hope?
What if... the day dawned... and the rainbow shined...
a rainbow that is natural... beautiful... holy... divine...
a marvel to see... a proof of God in the world...
something only... God... can... give.
And all the old ways of mankind... changed.
Mankind has grown abhorent of violence.
Mankind has grown wise.
We can look about us, as if in a grocery store
and say, "Oh, that... is good. Oh... the perfect thing."
Because all of our explorations... are done.
We have explored even into the outer limits of the universe.
We can now... resolve... build... something perfect.
We can build houses that will petrify... hempcrete.
Those houses will last forever... so make them perfect.
Make them so they need little weather conditioning.
Put the windows where the house can breathe... transoms.
Put in windows that don't give easy access to thieves... side bars.
Put rugs on our floors that can be kept clean. Hemp.
Make clothes that last for generations... hemp... once outlawed.
But... what will we do... if everything is done and finished?
Well, that will be a while.
We have to clean up our mess.
God bless every... single... one.
May God's light shine for you.
It's simple... just... look for Him.
Ask... him.
One last story, rather than make another page.
It's late into the morning now.
I walked out to the garden the other day...
and when I reached to open the gate
I saw a huge grasshopper... big as a locust...
sitting right where I reach to open the gate.
I had a cloth in my hand, and tried to shew it off.
It didn't move.
It wasn't afraid of me, I guessed.
I waved the cloth at it again.
It did not move.
So, I set things down and looked closely.
The darn grasshopper had got its leg stuck
in the weathering parts of the wooden gate.
It had stuck its foot in, and couldn't get it out.
I stood... watching... as the grasshopper moved...
and then slowly... very slowly... pulled its leg out.
Except... as it turned out... it wasn't its leg.
It already had all of its legs.
It was its penis... if bugs have the same terms for it.
Slowly... it withdrew from the crevice in the wood gate...
until the appendage was wider and longer than any leg...
and looked rather more... like a sword... with a blade and edge.
It finally extricated itself and I brushed it away.
I looked for it... didn't want to step on it...
but it was gone.
I thought... wow... what a story to tell.
But... who... could I tell such a story to...
the story had... some sexual overtones to it...
and was just on that far side of propriety
that was as unseemly to me as it would be to tell another.
I let it go. I kept it to myself. But it was such a strange thing...
And then... oddly... listening to the radio later on...
someone was talking about the old story of King Arthur.
It originated in 1300's... and had a history... yada yada.
Yep. That's what it looked like.
Arthur... removing the sword from the stone.
Silly grasshopper anyway.
Go figure.
Peace.
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